Once again we have reached the first Monday in January which the media has penned as “Divorce Day” – allegedly the day when more people divorce than any other day of the year. I confess to being sceptical about this but certainly Christmas can often put added pressure on families who are already at breaking point.
It’s a natural instinct for people to try and score points
As an experienced family lawyer I have spent many years watching families be torn apart when a couple decide to call time on their relationship. Often it’s a natural instinct for people to try and score points against the other and to view themselves as totally in the right and the other person totally in the wrong. Inevitably, this leads to conflict, hurt and distress and the cost of this can be huge – not only financially with legal bills trying to sort everything out, but the more devastating and long lasting cost is an emotional one.
This emotional cost impacts not only on the two people involved, but also on their children and wider family and friends who often get dragged in to the conflict, unwittingly taking sides or feeling the pain of one or other of the participants.
Often the conflict can be resolved
The conflict can often be resolved with the help of an experienced mediator to help people truly hear the other person.
This is why, many years ago, I chose to train as a family mediator. Don’t get me wrong, mediation is not for everyone. Sometimes one party genuinely is being unreasonable or deceitful and in those cases the support of the legal system is needed, but often the conflict can be resolved with the help of an experienced mediator to help people truly hear the other person, and to find compromise and consensus so that the family can move forward to their future apart.
How family mediation can help resolve family disputes
When separating or divorcing there is often tension between the couple as they embark on a journey to agree the settlement of matters. This can be an emotional, stressful, time-consuming, and expensive time. This is where mediation can really help in allowing the couple to work through each matter in a calm, structured, and non-confrontational way.
A Blog by Shelley Wales.
It’s never easy facing the person you no longer love and agreeing the terms of your separation, but especially if children are involved, I would encourage you to consider mediation so that you can work out a way to protect the children from being damaged by the conflict surrounding your separation, and instead work out a plan together to separate your finances and make arrangements to share the care of the children going forwards.
Hopefully then divorce day won’t mean devastation for your family.
A straightforward divorce case will usually take approximately 26 weeks to complete. However, this can be significantly longer if there are financial matters to be resolved, especially if the matters are not agreed.
It is not possible to begin divorce proceedings within the first year of marriage. Unfortunately, this means that no matter how difficult the circumstances, you have to wait until you have been married for over one year before you are able to apply for a divorce. As soon as the first year of marriage has elapsed then you are able to petition for divorce and the relevant documentation can be prepared before the end of the year so that the petition can be filed at the earliest possible opportunity. If your individual circumstances mean waiting until the year has elapsed would be intolerable there are other alternatives such as judicial separation, making an application for a non-molestation order and/or an occupation order or an application under the Married Women’s Property Act.
Collaborative Family Law is a process which enables you to resolve your dispute without going to Court. The process involves you, your Solicitor, your former partner and their Solicitor sitting down together in an attempt to resolve the issues and reach a settlement. This process is often much more advantageous to certain individuals as you remain in control of the process and have your legal representative present for any advice or guidance required. In addition, you are able to set the agenda of the meeting and work at a pace which is most comfortable for you.
In order to get a divorce, we would charge a fixed fee of £500 plus VAT to deal with the divorce on your behalf. In addition to this, there is a standard Court fee of £593.00 for filing the divorce. You may be able to claim a reduction on the Court fee if you are on certain benefits or are on a low income.
Mediation is a way of dealing with a dispute outside of the Court process. It involves the appointment of a neutral third party the mediator who will assist the parties in reaching an agreement in respect of their dispute. The mediator is impartial and has no authority to make any decisions in respect of the parties issues. Their role is simply to help the parties reach an agreement through negotiation. Mediation is a voluntary process and so you are not obligated to attend. However, if you intend on making an application for a Child Arrangements Order, Specific Issue Order. Prohibited Steps Order or an application for a Financial Order then the law requires that you attend a ‘Mediation, Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM).
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