Separation and divorce can be an extremely difficult and emotional time for everyone involved, even more so if you have children together, and it may feel to most that a “healthy divorce” is just not viable.
Achieving a healthy divorce doesn’t just help separating couples, it also greatly benefits children. Co-parenting can be difficult, especially with the raw emotion and financial worry of separating or divorcing, however trying to maintain a healthy relationship after separation is hugely important to children, their memories and experiences of being a child, and also how they go on to lead their own lives as young people and adults themselves. Children notice when their parents are under pressure, strained or upset, and it is imperative that your feelings towards your former partner are not projected onto your children.
What Are the Benefits of a Healthy Divorce
A healthy divorce helps to minimise unnecessary conflict and reduce tension at an already acutely stressful time. This promotes a cooperative and positively mutual approach to resolving issues whilst helping both parties to navigate the divorce process.
Participating in a healthy divorce can also help to preserve relationships with your former partner’s family members, which can be important, especially where children are involved. You never know when you might be in a tight situation and need someone you trust to help with the children!
Depending on the circumstances, below are some top tips for guaranteeing that you and your former partner can experience a “healthier divorce”:-
1. Prioritise Open Communication From the Outset
Communication is an enormous part of separation and divorce, especially when trying to agree a financial settlement (like what should happen to the family home etc) or the arrangements in respect of the children. Being mature, considerate and respectful may seem difficult or impossible when emotions are high and/or relations are strained, however responding to things immediately (being reactive), blaming one another and using inflammatory language is not going to resolve the issues. Behaving in this way will undoubtedly lead to heightened stress and anxiety and will make matters worse. If direct communication is challenging for you and your former partner, consider responding when you have had time to think things through, via email, specialised apps (i.e. Talking Parents or Our Family Wizard) or through your Solicitor to reduce conflict. There are also processes available to separating couples who need a little non-contentious assistance, such as Mediation.
2. Be Prepared to Cooperate and Compromise
It may be difficult to agree on how to divide your assets or make child arrangements however there are different methods of Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR), enabling you to make informed decisions without the need for a costly and lengthy Court application. ADR such as Mediation and Collaborative Law, can assist negotiations and discussions in a controlled environment. A willingness to compromise is extremely likely to expedite the process, positively reduce conflict and set the tone for your future going forwards.
How Family Mediation Can Help Resolve Family Disputes
When separating or divorcing there is often tension between the couple as they embark on a journey to agree the settlement of matters such as where the children will live, how often the children will visit the other parent, what happens to the house, the savings, any debts, and any future payments (often referred to as spousal maintenance). This can be an emotional, stressful, time-consuming, and expensive time. This is where mediation can really help in allowing the couple to work through each matter in a calm, structured, and non-confrontational way.
A Blog by Shelley Wales, Partner and Head of Family Dispute Resolution
3. Try to Maintain a Degree of Perspective
Whilst going through a separation or divorce, it is easy to get caught up in the past and present, instead of looking to the future. Separating and/or getting divorced is an extremely emotional and stressful time however it is important to remember that it will not last forever, there is an end point. You may not be able to see it right at this moment, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It is always best to try to sit back and look at the bigger picture/long-term arrangements as opposed to seeking to “win” within the separation/divorce process. There are no “winners” during contested and conflicted proceedings, when it comes to mental wellbeing and health.
4. Seek the Advice of a Legal Professional
Having a Solicitor to advise you on your situation, what you are entitled to and what your next steps should be can hugely assist in maintaining a healthy divorce. By understanding your legal position, you are able to make more informed decisions, set realistic expectations, and achieve a positive long-term outcome.
Taking care of yourself – prioritise your physical and mental health by engaging in activities that you enjoy and that brings you joy and relaxation. Whilst this may be incredibly difficult, it is important to focus on other aspects of life whilst looking forward to your future and new chapters.
5. Invest Time in Taking Care of Yourself
Prioritise your physical and mental health by engaging in activities that you enjoy and that brings you joy and relaxation. Whilst this may be incredibly difficult, it is important to focus on other aspects of life whilst looking forward to your future and new chapters.
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The content of this blog post is for information only and does not constitute formal legal advice and should not be relied upon as advice. Thornton Jones Solicitors Limited accepts no liability for any such reliance upon this content. Where the post includes links to external websites, Thornton Jones Solicitors Limited accepts no responsibility for the content of such sites. Any link to a third-party website should not be construed as endorsement by Thornton Jones Solicitors Limited of any content, products or services which are outside our direct control.
